Our Daily Trimmings: February 2014

So I'm sitting here on my lunch break and just wanted to write a little (or, as it appears, A LOT). Oliver James has been here for 3 weeks now. It seems so short but also seems like it was yesterday that I saw my little boy come out face down. He wasn't making a sound, but in the blink of an eye Dr. Iskander grabbed the bulb syringe and quickly suctioned the fluid out of Oliver's throat. The crying began and everything was right with the world.

As a male, the birthing process is a very hard process to handle. Innately, we as males want to fix problems. It's why women sometimes have trouble communicating with us. We hear things and feel like we need to jump immediately to fix or solve situations; whereas, women often just want us to stand there and be a support while they handle it. That includes, surprisingly, the fact that sometimes women don't want your opinion, but just an ear to hear what they're saying. This is the crux of the birthing dilemma for males. We want to help but there is absolutely nothing we can do but be there and support them with small gestures. No one likes seeing a loved one in pain, much less a spouse. As much as I'd have loved to take some of the pain of pushing off of Alitia's shoulders (even though I know she is strong enough to do it on her own), I just do what little things I can that she requests. Note: A was absolutely a champ at this all. She rarely complained of pain and went full force, balls to the wall with the pushing. Proud doesn't begin to describe how I felt with regards to A.

The other part of the gestation and birthing process that is different for males is that our connection with our child does not begin fully until that little ball of amazingness is out and in our hands. We don't get the glories of feeling our child move inside us or knowing that we are helping to grow a new life. It's probably a good thing though since the intrinsic negatives are: being woken in the middle of the night with kicks to the groin (or the generic kicks to the cervix if your child is breech, right A?), running into everything around because of a distended belly, and losing the ability to do simple daily tasks like tie your shoe, sleep for a decent amount of time, or go more than an hour without having to empty our bladder. All that aside, and back to the original point, there isn't enough talking to the belly, feeling the kicks with your hands, or getting a room ready that equates to the emotional connection you have the moment you hold your child for the first time (even when it's the second child). Those things you've wondered for 8 to 9 months are finally staring back at you: will he have any deformities; will he be healthy; will he have brown hair; will he have blue eyes; will he look like Elijah; will he know my voice? That's when you realize he's mine forever and for always, and none of those questions matter. He's mine, for better or for worse until death do us part (but without the exorbitant money spent on the wedding). Although I don't speak for A, it has to be a different feeling for a father. For A, holding her son is an accomplishment of a task that turns into a new task - raising him the best she can, including breast feeding, bathing, sleeping, and/or modifying her diet to suit his little tummy (back to the no onions diet). For me, as a father, it is a flooding of emotions and a gift that has been bestowed on me to HANDLE WITH CARE. I married A because she has always been the one to have my back and be my protector. There is no one who will fight harder for me than A does. Now it's time for me to provide those same qualities to our children. They have the epitome of a "Momma Bear" already on their side, but I just want to be the one to let them know they are loved by both parents equally and challenge them to go beyond what they think they can do. I want to make them laugh, to have fun, and most importantly, as a working father, enjoy the time we spend together.

All of these first run of emotions are behind us now, and now it has been great to just sit back and watch our little Oliver. Getting to nit-pick the perceived differences between him and Elijah all the while accepting the similarities. I want Oliver to be his own little person and not someone who is "oh that's just how Elijah was." While all of this happens, we continue to cheer on his little successes, like starting to lift his head, watching him explore more and more as each day goes by, and seeing him begin his small interactions with his brother. He's an awesome little boy and the most relaxed human being I've ever seen (which is saying a lot because we did have Elijah). At a sporting event this weekend, while asleep, the crowd went crazy because the team scored and little man didn't even flinch. He just laid there in his blanket like there were no cares in the world. It's overused, but we really could learn a few things from these little ones before the world skews their perceptions. At this moment, Oliver has been a complete blessing and there isn't anything we could even consider complaining about, in the grand scheme of things (don't get me wrong, there's been a few times I wish he wasn't so gassy at nighttime and could actually rest a little more comfortably, but those are things to be expected and to take in stride).

Now, since this has already proven itself to be a long-winded entry, let's discuss the "big boy" as he likes to be called. Probably the most frequently asked question I get, "how's Elijah doing with the new baby?" It's always a question that leaves me thrown a little. I don't ever want to sound like I'm complaining about their interactions, but I do want to point out the little intricacies. On the whole, Elijah has been the best kid a person could want. Sure there have been some less than fun experiences, but most of them don't have to do with Oliver being here. They are just typical interactions with a 3.5 year old who is having to really learn he doesn't get whatever he wants whenever he wants it. One of the most interesting situations between Elijah and Oliver has been with Elijah recognizing the differences in abilities. Though he knew there would be a little brother coming, he didn't realize that baby wouldn't be close to his same age and size. He clearly thought he would have a brother and he could immediately play swords or build trains with him. He also is working very hard at being gentle around O. After being an only child, sometimes it's hard to realize why you can't jump on the bed when Oliver is lying on the bed with us. Trying to teach him that he has to kiss Oliver on his head (to try and lower the risk of germ transmissions), but also getting the message across that he can't (relatively firmly) pat Oliver on his head while he still has a soft spot (what 3 yo needs to know about a soft spot?) is a little difficult some times. One of the funnier realizations is that when you tell your oldest son that your newborn's eyesight only extends a short distance, he might think that is a permanent thing. So basically, every time Elijah wants to talk to Oliver, he gets about 2 to 3 inches from his face to talk to him. Leaves us with a lot of "back up, man. Oliver's eyesight is getting better." Let's get to what we all want to hear/remember, the "awwww" moments. So far E has proven to be a very protective big brother (which is somewhat hilarious since the likelihood of O being a bigger human as time moves on than E will be is high - just based on his birth numbers). The very first night we were home from the hospital, Elijah would come running every time Oliver would make a peep. "Mom, he needs me. I could hear him calling me," he would exclaim as he climbed on the rails of Oliver's crib. Three weeks later and this is still pretty much happening, and there is no way either of us are stopping it. One of the best though was when we were in the car and Oliver was starting to cry, Elijah turned and said, "I'm right here Oliber." When mom asked what prompted that response, E quickly informed us that O had been calling his name. In general, he's a very loving big brother and wants to hold Oliver as often as possible even if he is heavy, as Elijah says. It's also quite amusing that every time either of us tries to lay on the floor or on the couch and talk to O, Elijah immediately wants to be in the middle of us and talking to O as well. I can't wait to see the relationship between these two grow, and though I may not love it when it happens, I want to write it here (for references purposes) that I can't wait to see these two rough-housing and chasing each other around the house.

So now to what we all really care about, if you survived this massive post.